Back in the old days, women were considered to be their father’s property and the groom had to ask permission from the father to marry. We’ve moved on quite a bit since then, but a lot of people are still intimidated by the formality of a proposal, and what exactly they should do before and after.
A lot of people quite like the traditions that surround popping the question, because those traditions make the moment seem more old-fashioned and romantic. But the traditions of proposal expect the man to take the initiative in just about everything! Whereas of course these days it’s just as common for women to propose as for men to do it. But a lot of women are unsure about exactly what the protocol is when they propose. So here are a few pointers – some for men, some for women, some for both – about popping the question.
The ring is an important part of any engagement, and it’s a beautiful symbol of love and commitment. A lot of lovebirds think they can’t propose to their loved one without a really expensive ring, but remember to be sensible - it doesn’t do anyone any good to bankrupt yourself not long before you’re going to be married!
Anyway, the tradition is for the man to buy an engagement ring, and some women who are going to propose don’t feel right buying their husband-to-be an engagement ring. In those situations, it’s fine to substitute another piece of jewellery for the ring, and give that to the man instead. But it is getting more common for both of the betrothed to give the other a ring, and in a lot of parts of the world, this has been the custom for hundreds of years.
Asking the parents is traditional for any man who wants to ask for a daughter’s hand in marriage. It’s not seen as quite so essential these days, but that doesn’t mean that men should cut their bride-to-be’s parents out altogether – and women who are going to propose should also take care to respect the feelings and attitudes of the husband-to-be’s parents. It’s a good idea to discuss the idea of marriage with your prospective spouse’s parents, even if you want to do so on the quiet so that the proposal itself can still be a surprise! Even if you talk over marriage with your sweetheart and his or her family for months before you propose, it doesn’t have to take the magic out of the event itself. Most proposals these days don’t come completely out of the blue, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be wonderful moments that you’ll both remember for a lifetime.
Tradition says that the man should get down on one knee when he proposes, but remember that really it’s your special moment, and exactly how and where you want to do it is up to you!